Blog Post #25: The Transition Back to Reality After 1.5 Years Away – Effects of Vipassana

1. Background:
2. My First Week Home – Jetlag?:
3. Unexpected Events:
4. Adapting to the Situation:
5. The Joys of the Last Week:
6. Reflection – Former vs. Current Self:
7. What is Vipassana?
8. To Sum it Up:

Hello Readers!

It has been a little over a week since I arrived back in my home in Vancouver. I’d been meaning to do this post after I got back as I was so curious how I would be in normal life after being away for so long…turns out it’s actually been fairly easy.

Background:

For those who aren’t aware, I left home 1.5 years ago (July 2023) in order to figure out me. I went travelling, got travel burn out, ended up volunteering in a hostel in Albania where I heard about the technique called Vipassana Meditation (by S.N. Goenka). After I took my first course in February 2024, my life changed so drastically that I decided to take the rest of my time away in order to practice this technique. I finished this segment of my travels earlier this month (December 2024) in India and returned home. I was a bit nervous about the transition though…how would I do? This meditation had brought me so much closer to my family, I was more balanced and less anxious in everyday life and was able to keep calm in everyday scenarios, but would would happen when I returned? Would I return back to old habit patterns of anger, stress and irritation?

Turns out the effects of this meditation were strong enough to get me through the first week (despite the unexpected events that occurred).

My First Week Home – Jetlag?:

Yay! I came home on December 11th and received a warm welcome from my dad. My mom was going to be coming home from a short vacation to Mexico in the coming days. The transition was quite smooth. Yes, I was jetlagged, but I slipped into a good sleep routine very quickly with sleeping at 10-11pm and waking up at 4am or so to meditate.

Prior to this trip, jetlag was always a thing I dreaded. I hated being easily frustrated, anxious about the fact that I wasn’t sleeping properly and also fearful that I wouldn’t be able to handle life’s responsibilities because I couldn’t think clearly. Last time I got back from Japan, it took me 3 weeks to get back to a normal sleep schedule. With this meditation, I was able to transition back within a week AND be able to stay chill. YES!

Unexpected Events:

It was actually the first day back that life starting throwing some curveballs. Of course, I had some pretty picture in my head of simplicity and just spending time with friends and family, but life doesn’t typically go as planned:

Day 1 home: my credit card got hacked (someone charged around $2000 worth of groceries and Tesla car charges…hope they eat and drive well over the holidays)

Day 3 home: Dad wanted to have “a talk”

Day 4 home: Kitchen sink was leaking – turns out it’s not just an “o” ring that needs replacing. The countertop is rotted and the whole thing needs replacing. No renos until January. Currently using the bathtub to wash dishes.

Day 5 home: Receive a message that Mom fell while in Mexico and fractured her ankle and couldn’t walk

Day 7 home: Picking Mom up from airport and having to figure out mobility/safety concerns/groceries

Day 8 home: A friend from Korea was coming to stay at my house (not unexpected, but another hurdle of things to balance)

Prior to my travels, one of these would have caused a large tailspin of anxiety and stress. ‘Uggghhh, this sucks! Why is this happening now? Can’t it be smooth for once? OMG I just wanted it to be simple! Why does Dad want to talk – I just got back. Ugh! OMG now Mom has fallen and we’ll have to get all these things in place” …Etc. Etc. Etc.

Turns out the meditation practice has held incredibly well. I still do meditate twice a day since I returned and thank gosh I can otherwise I think this would have been hard.

Adapting to the Situation:

When the above events occurred, yes they were unpleasant, but they were also completely manageable.

• Credit card got hacked? So what? It’s a fact. Getting upset is just wasting energy so I’ll just phone the company and deal with it moment to moment.
• No Kitchen Sink? Yes, not convenient, but one can wash dishes in the tub. Yes, I have friends coming over for Christmas meals, but luckily Dad has a dishwasher upstairs!
• Dad wants to have “a talk”: okay so we spoke…sure he was perhaps exaggerating some bits and yes were there thoughts of “this is not very fair”, but does pointing either of those out to him solve anything? No. Just makes both of us more irritable about the situation. Also, these “it’s not fair” thoughts are just habit patterns…Turns out staying calm, adapting and smiling does wonders instead and serves to promote our relationship.
• Mom fractured her ankle: Picking her up at the airport, she looked pretty bad. A wheelchair at the airport and unable to use her right foot, she was terrible on crutches and a complete falls risk. I had to catch her twice and was planning on being her live-in caregiver for the next 6-8 weeks. TLDR: a trip to the doctor’s, a trip to the emergency room, X-rays and such later, turns out the doctor abroad misdiagnosed an old injury as a new fracture…it’s only a bad sprain and she can use it as tolerated. Thank gosh!

Adding a bit more to this, I’ve only gotten about 4-5 hours of sleep a night, worked for the first time in 1.5 years yesterday (couldn’t do much pre-studying as was with Mom at the hospital) and organized mobility aids with the Red Cross so Mom can stay at home safely and more comfortably (Hahaha 2-wheeled walkers, transport wheelchair, bathtub bench and special toilet seats later, we’re now back in business).

All of this and yet…everything is fine.

(By the way, for those who are unaware, I have a diagnosis of ADHD for which coordination, organization and many tasks have an easier tendency to overwhelm and short circuit the brain faster than a neurotypical individual. I also have a past history of depression and anxiety).

The Joys of the Last Week:

My dad and I have never been closer. It’s crazy how our relationship has changed since I stopped being so easily angered and frustrated. Before my mom got back, we went out for lunch together with my grandma and I went with him to watch him give a presentation at an event. I had dinner with him and my brother three nights this week and, a couple days ago, he even heard about a Christmas market and asked me if I wanted to go with him. Completely unprecedented. Before I’d ask him to go to these things and he’d say he was busy. (Turns out when I’m a nicer person, my dad actually wants to spend time with me…who knew? HAHAHAHAA!! ) We also had Korean Army Stew with my guest together last Saturday. Wow, that’s like 4-5 days spent together and I’m not irritated, wishing time would go by faster or frustrated by who he is as a person. Instead, I actually love and cherish this time together and see him for the generous, helpful and heart-warming Dad that he is.

As for Mom, yes it’s a tad complicated, but it’s also manageable. Despite the unexpected trip to the emergency room, adapting my study schedule and coordinating home mobility aids to be done right after work, this was actually okay too. I am somehow managing to do her grocery shopping, help to organize her from a medical perspective (travel insurance, doctor’s appointments, coordinate with people to teach her to use the equipment) and ensure she is able to cook/I cook for her). I’m even enjoying our time together and not developing resentment. I’m even super thankful this happened now and see it as a blessing as this happened while I’m actually IN town! Wow.

To top it off, even been able to play a bit of a tour guide to my friend who’s visiting. He’s amazingly chill (hello Yeon! My fellow meditator) and been an amazing help with helping me to carry and set up my mom’s mobility aids.

I’ve also realized I’m so fortunate to be surrounded by those around me. My cousin who’s an occupational therapist helped me figure out what I can do to help Mom be safe. My other friend, despite being jetlagged from Sri Lanka, helped me pick Mom up at the airport (I had no car insured under my name) and my other friend offered to come by and help my mom show her how to use the equipment. My dad has been able to help me to get appointments or drive me to run errands last moment (like picking my mom up despite the stress of getting to a last-minute appointment in 20 minutes when Mom is limited in mobility and we’ll probably take 40 minutes to reach the front door of the doctor’s office).

Reflection – Former vs. Current Self:

As I reflect on all that’s gone on, there’s absolutely no way my past self would have been able to handle the ups and downs that life recently threw at me. Sure, I would have gotten through it, but I would have done so being anxious/irritable that I wasn’t sleeping enough, resentful that things weren’t simple and lastly wishing I was elsewhere getting some quiet. Right now I’m not getting a lot of “me time”. Me time is reserved for the meditation I do before I sleep and after I wake up, but otherwise, my time has mostly been spent caring for my mom, seeing friends and family, working or volunteering. Crazily enough, it’s okay.

Yes sure, there are times when my brain falls down it’s old habit pattern of “Omg, I’m so tired, I just want a break”, but I tend to snap out of it rather quickly (like within a minute) with the understanding that even chasing a calmer moment won’t bring me peace long term as it too will change. Something else will rear its head so why mentally chase an image in my head?

What is Vipassana?

For those curious, I can sum it up into a few points:

1. Vipassana means to see things are they truly are. We are simply made of a collection of vibrating molecules in its simplest form. The technique helps to concentrate the mind such that you can feel these vibrations. It’s this direct experience that teaches the unconscious mind not to react because “why react? This unpleasant situation is going to change anyway”.
2. As the mind calms and we stop reacting to things that are happening moment to moment, the brain pulls out our old reactions. Stop reacting and those disappear too leading to a calmer more peaceful life.
3. There is no religious affiliation, but it is a technique passed down from the Buddha. It’s non-sectarian (no religious bowing or praying to someone/something). It’s all just about focusing inward and learning to observe oneself.

To Sum it Up:

Yes things are a bit busy, but I’m so happy to say that life is going well. The changes that occurred through the intensive last year of practicing this meditation have had incredibly good effects on the ups and downs of a simpler travel life and even more so, on my life at home! I really couldn’t be happier with the results. Of course it’s not perfect, I still catch myself falling into old habit patterns, but I snap out of it much quicker and the intensity of the spiral is simply surface level…really easy to get back on my feet.

Wishing you all a wonderful holiday period filled with much joy and happiness. See you all in the new year!

Tracy