Blog Post #31: Rebound Covid and Mental Health: Vipassana for Guilt and Recovery

Read time: 5 minutes

TLDR:

• I have rebound covid – covid symptoms that return after the initial symptoms disappear
• Vipassana helped me snap out of the guilt, fear and frustration spiral

1. Background:
2. The Rebound Covid Rollercoaster:
3. The Mental Conditioning: Guilt, Fear and Frustration
4. How Vipassana Snapped Me Out of It:
5. Wisdom from Goenkaji: The Head Teacher’s Teachings

Background:

Hello Readers,

Turns out this batch of covid is a bit of a doozy. I thought I’d be healed in about a week and back at Dhamma Korea (the Korean Vipassana Centre) before the end of the course, but turns out that I’m currently experiencing something called “Rebound Covid”. This post will discuss a little about rebound covid, but also what I’m experiencing mental health wise as a result.

The Rebound Covid Rollercoaster:

After I first tested positive, I steadily got better over the next week. Stomach aches, fatigue, fever and muscle pains all disappeared and it seemed as though I was back to normal. I had more energy, no more body aches and I tested negative too. Come a day later though, I got symptoms again which put me to bed for a bit and then I bounced back. I felt pretty well too – even going out with some meditation friends who’d just finished the recent course. I though I’d be back at the centre for this upcoming 10 day course, but just a few hours ago, I started feeling unwell again.

After some quick Googling (Yes, pharmacists use Google), turns out that covid rebound happens in about 10% of people (taking an average here…some sources say 7%, while other go for 15%) so it’s not entirely uncommon. Recommendations? Stay hydrated, rest, take symptomatic meds (for me, that’s pain meds) and if at high risk, take Paxlovid (luckily not me).

So…I guess I’ll just take a step back for now.

The Mental Conditioning: Guilt, Fear and Frustration

Now here’s where I want to tip my hat off to vipassana meditation yet again. (I mean…this blog is turning into a bit of a vipassana fan blog is it not?)

I noticed that I had a lot of thoughts buzzing through my head accompanied by uncomfortable emotions:

• Guilt for not being able to fulfil my commitment to volunteer at Dhamma korea for 1.5 months
• Fear about how others would view my needing more rest
• Frustration towards a slow recovery
• Anxiety on whether this will turn into long covid
• Uncertainty about whether I’d be able to return…would I get a relapse again?

My brain was running down this rabbit hole of thoughts and emotions until I remembered what vipassana taught me.

How Vipassana Snapped Me Out of It:

These thought are just mental habit patterns. Ones engrained over the past decades of my life. I didn’t need to fight these thoughts anymore. I simply need to calmly be with body sensations and they’ll go away on their own. What’s even more fascinating to me is that this brain shift happened only 30 minutes after the spiral began – something which took me much longer in the past.

I’m always amazed how well it works and also how quickly my brain is being rewired. I spent almost the entirety of my 20s with mental health challenges and trying different therapies and yet, nothing came close to the effectiveness of this technique. The intensity of the thoughts and the duration of the thoughts gets shorter and shorter every time something of this sort happens.

…Honestly…I really do wonder how I functioned in the world before vipassana…

Wisdom from Goenkaji: The Head Teacher’s Teachings

The head teacher (Goenkaji) gave many different talks before he died, but there are two messages I come back to regularly:

1. First get yourself healthy before you help another
2. Accept the reality as it is…not as you want it to be

Normally the first quote is one that I come back to when I feel negativity toward another and want to comment on someone else’s behaviour (lols…speaking from a place of negativity never goes well…), but here I come back to it for physical health this time. I cannot help others if I’m ill. Serving at the centre requires physical strength…that which I’m lacking at this time.

As for the second quote, this is my reality right now. I’m ill and I’m unwell. What can I do? Fear, guilt, frustration etc. will not help me so better to meditate, come out of it and be rid of it.

…Perhaps covid is actually a secret gift? If so, I accept. 🙂

Wishing you all health and mental wellbeing,

~Tracy